just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
