We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
