I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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