found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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