it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
