I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm too high and old for this...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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