And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry about my life...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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