I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
