How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
