I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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