I skipped work to stalk him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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