I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
