I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
