I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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