by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
