We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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