I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
