I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
