the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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