haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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