I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
