I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My pussy is not your playground.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
