I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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