Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
