i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize