Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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