Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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