she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
