You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize