I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
