bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
