tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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