I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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