All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
