i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
