you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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