I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
