I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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