I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
