I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
