Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
