I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
