I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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