You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
