Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
there's paper in my vomit.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
