So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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