Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The uberlube is also flammable
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
