WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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