Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
