The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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