Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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