Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
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