I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
