The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
