If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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