So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
