You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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