hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
