my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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