dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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