margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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