the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
