I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
