I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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