haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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