Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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