Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
