I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
