I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
