I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
