awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
