Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
