what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The power of my boobs compel you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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