he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
