oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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