ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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